guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
