and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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