R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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