ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
