mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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