i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
