he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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