Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
