if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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