Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fuck appropriateness.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
