Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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