What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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