Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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