JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
