3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
