Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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