This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
