I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
