I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
