is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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