after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
