Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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