Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
