saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
