I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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