Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
