kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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