Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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