I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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