I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
