um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
