she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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