Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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