I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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