He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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