Jerry, you need to find god
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
