Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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