Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
