Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
