I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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