i already hear my dad disowning me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
