two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
