I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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