you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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