Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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