therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
