There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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