Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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