The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
