I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
