What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
