you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
