names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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