Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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