What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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