so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
