i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
