I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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