call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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