P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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