i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
