Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
