He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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