Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
