i always forget guys have bellybuttons
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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