Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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