I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
