I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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