So drunk its hurt
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
