Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
