Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize