If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
