Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love having hate sex.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
