He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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