remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
