I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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