Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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