my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
