He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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