your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
