You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
