the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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