Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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