i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
