I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
